Living ageless and Mindlessness

Mindlessness is using yesterday’s resolutions, for today’s problematic areas. I guess my brain rewired in some strange weird way about abandonment issues. My parents use to fight a lot when they were under the same roof, and so when my dad a Merchant Marine would leave the home, it was a sigh of relief, and I knew that he would be gone for months at a time…Nonetheless, it was still something I looked forward too, and at the same time I had a lot of love my dad, so I numb my way of thinking about my family dynamics. Therefore, it fed into my unrealized addiction of fixing people, situations, and things at the expense of my own happiness and healing. Growing up in the Government public row housing better known to some as the projects the word projects became a thought, but what I did not know is thought forms. So, later in life my thoughts of projects morphed into human forms, and I became a self proclaimed martyr fixing my people projects. My dad and his challenges generated fears in me about relationships, and I stayed on the safe side did not want to get hurt growing up in a house where domestic violence was energy consuming. Instead of energy fortifying, for the family just kept me feeling punched drunk not at all like a child should ever feel. My second sister was definitely affected by the parents fights we loss her to mental illness years ago. “She was well then, she was sick”. She traveled that fine line between a nut, and a genius, and she was not able to outrun the illness the most fragile of the four children. She was diagnosed with Polio at a very early age, and with the proper treatments overcame that, but it was always something about my second sister, she was never able to weather the storms of life, and ultimately became trapped in a world infiltrated with mental, and emotional disturbances of various severities. The best that I can hope, for on her good days, we talk on the telephone that means a lot to her to talk to her baby sister, and it means a lot to me also. I guess the lesson in all of this Acceptance is very powerful, and meeting people where they are.  

Somewhere in the middle…

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